I’ve seen this movie before

I feel like I should be on spring break. Granted I turn 25 next week and have been in my post college years for almost 1000 days, but somebody – god or maybe the Easter bunny thinks I should be drinking a pina colada right now. If I wasn’t so stubborn to my capitalist life direction, I’d be drunk - well I guess I am drunk, but no the way I want to be.

I want to listen to certain kinds of music, the songs that make me feel like the world is still capable and free. If it wasn’t such crime, I’d certainly live on the beach and build sand castles for a living and I’d only eat the fish I could catch.
Somebody at work just told me to get some self-respect, apparently he doesn’t know who I am.

My roommate is a dick. We’ve been awake since 8 AM and it’s Saturday. How does such a anomaly occur? Happy hour and me passing out by 8 PM. I guess I puked a little too because my mouth tastes like a cat made a baby in it.

I think the Jackie and the Jackettes episode of Made is my fav-o-wit Made episode ev-o. MTV must have traveled to Middle Earth to find that fat hobbit. They are airing the fuck out of this episode, if you need to feel better about your pathetic existence, Made is the medicine. Seriously, does MTV scour Magic Card conventions for potential Made candidates?

The drinking begins at 2 today.

I don’t know where my head is. I am practically floating, barely working, listening to Bowie as I daydream about the beer I am going to drink tonight. September through present has been the worst period of my life, largely due to the appalling treatment I have received at the workplace. My confidence has been crushed, but I’m over it and you don’t want to listen to the drudges of corporate existence anyway. In fact, how many times can one gripe about the office yet render a piteous reaction?

As 2005 nears, I vow to change my life and transform my environment into the world I truly desire to experience. I urge everyone to find the spark in your heart and do the same. All too often we slip into normality, which leads to mediocrity and the certain drift into a lethargic trancelike life and death. Enough idealism, but sometimes the clichés are truth.

Don’t let the man get you down.
-Rick

I'm not dead

Sure no one reads this blog, but regardless, I'm still alive and kicking - just been a little occupied. I'm back now.

For Shame!

I haven’t posted in a week. I haven’t had much to say, even if I did, I haven’t had the time to say it.

For the record I went 10-6 on football picks last week, which puts me at 22-10 on the year. Not bad for a no talent ass-clown.

Other than perpetually hating life and homeless people that choose to bother me, I’ve been ecstatic. I’ve nearly been fired and my love life is better than ever! (Note: that line sounds like something a crazy person should be yelling in the middle of a crowded train station or something some middle aged guy should spout off after throwing a football through a tire swing in a commercial for boner pills.)

I don’t know if I have mentioned it in previous posts, but please do yourself the mother of all favors and get a 4-pack of Sparks. If you want to spend the evening in a tantalizing haze from caffeine and crazy pills, Sparks is the answer. Delicious and alcoholic!

Now on to my picks for the week:

Vikes over Bears
I crapped myself after the Bears beat the Pack at Lambeau, if Los Osos win again this week I am officially moving to Canada.

Joey Faclones over Cards, Mike Vick's break out game of the year, not a tough conclusion to make, but you heard it here first!

Ravens over Bungles, here’s one for all of you loser Cincinnati fans, guess what? The Bungles will finish last in the AFC North. Know what else? Your chili sucks.

Eagles over Lionesses, I have nothing mildly amusing nor offensive to say, I think T.O. is the biggest over hyped whiner in the NFL though.

Chiefs over Texans, oops I think I just puked in my mouth.

Steelers over Fish, garbage game of the week, but should be interesting to watch, rookie QB making his first career start (on the road) against a tough Miami D, Dave Wanstedt’s hair lip and one game closer to his inevitable firing, and the third week in a row that Ricky Williams gets high and watches his former team suck it up.

Browns over Giants, has Gozer the Gozarian (aka Kurt Warner’s wife) spouted her fat mouth to the NY media yet? PS - Nice crew cut.

Ramstien over All Saints, Angry German death rock versus Christian wuss-pop girl group? Please.

Titans over Jags, shouldn’t we be expecting Steve McNair’s first season threatening injury this week?

Broncos over Chargers, to be a sports fan in San Diego you are required to have your balls snipped off at birth just so you know full well how much the rest of your life is going to suck.

Colts over Packers, it’s either comeback game or fizzle for Favre, I’m going with the latter.

Seahawks over 49ers, can a week go by without a man versus bird match up?

Raiders over Bucs, your marquee pirate match up of the week.
Skins over Cowboys, Parcells versus Gibbs on Monday Night? Classic.

Football Picks

I’m headstrong like a hooker in need of fix to post something new today (by the way I think I use cracked out hooker references more than anyone else), so in an attempt to be as unoriginal as possible yet maintain a semblance of regularity, I have decided to add a new dimension to my already vivacious blog: weekly football picks. Each Friday (unless of course there is a rare Thursday night game) I will post my picks along with some comments and my season long record. Also I’m not dealing with spreads, just outright winners. By the way I went 12-4 last week.

St. Louis over Atlanta
I hate St. Louis, I hate their fans, I hate Budweiser, Nelly and the arch, but I also think the ATL should stop pussyfooting around and run Vick, otherwise they aren’t going to win many.

Baltimore over Pittsburgh
Ray Lewis fought in a battle Royale against 10 Rottweillers this week, mainly because he was so pissed about last weeks loss, but also because he hates dogs.

Detroit over Houston
Even without Charles Rogers D-Town is going to raise a few eyebrows, but they’ll still finish third in the NFC North.

Denver over Jacksonville
Does anyone else think Byron Leffwich looks like a black and non-cartoon version of Porky Pig?

Carolina over Kansas City
Both of these teams are as overrated as they come, but an Indian Chief versus a jungle cat, please. (If you were wondering, I had nothing.)

New Orleans over San Francisco
Hi, I’m Ken Dorsey, I’ll be starting for the Niners this week. Nuff said.

Washington over New York Giants
I almost hate Eli Manning more than I hate Kurt Warner’s wife.

Indianapolis over Tennessee
Although Steve McNair is a sophisticated robot sent back through time to overcome all injuries, conquer the adversity of being a black quarterback in the South and change the future for the Titans, Peyton and the Ponies are not going to lose this one coming off a loss like last week.

Seattle over Tampa Bay
New England over Arizona
Did you notice that both of the previous two games pit man against bird?

Cleveland over Dallas
From Yahoo Fantasy Sports:
Sep 11 - Carmella DeCesare, Playboy's Playmate of the Year and the girlfriend of quarterback Jeff Garcia, was charged with assault from a bar fight last month. DeCesare allegedly "launched" herself at Kristen Hine, a former girlfriend of Garcia, several times after Hine confronted the couple at a club in Cleveland. Hines informed the police that as she turned to leave the club, DeCesare kicked her in the head.

A staged fight to prove your heterosexuality? Crafty move Garcia, I’ll take your fight and raise you a manicure a facial and a toy poodle.

Buffalo over Oakland
What if they took Bledsoe and Gannon and used them as the two washed up old guys on the new bachelor?

New York Jets over San Diego
San Diego is just poor and Drew Brees has an ugly mole.

Cincinnati over Miami
If you told me a year ago that I would be saying those three words I would have let you hit me with your car.

Philadelphia over Minnesota
Tough call, but wouldn’t it be cool if Randy Moss and T.O. would play both ways so they could cover each other? Guaranteed fight as well as a great stage for touchdown dance one-ups-man-ship. Seriously, would anyone be against this? (Stole that line from the Sports Guy)

Green Bay over Chicago
It’s tough to bet against your own team, especially when their opponent is also their biggest rival, but unless Ahman Green and Brett Farve accidentally drive to Chicago for the game, Da game Da Bears don’t have a prayer.

This post started out serious, but ended up being a total joke.

What really matters anymore?

Society has become fixated on other peoples lives, their business, and ultimately their success (or failure). The current state of TV is an inundating barrage of the mindless stunts performed by casts of wannabe actors or more bluntly, countless brigades of good-looking people refusing to hold real jobs.

Not surprisingly, my mother informed me that she was “obsessed” with the Apprentice.

Obsessed with what?
The mind bending inter workings of the business world as seen through the eyes of 20-odd otherwise intellectual yet peculiarly good-looking entrepreneurs vying for a coveted seat in Trump’s empire? Or merely the inter workings of Trump’s toupee? Crap.

What happened to professing family values through the vehicle of network television?

Is real life really better than fake life?

How can kids learn right from wrong anymore? I’ll tell you one thing, not from Joe Rogan.

Crap, do you realize how many middle school kids are eating worms at this very moment to one day fulfill the dream of appearing on Fear Factor?

Fact: This year more American children are expected to be drawing on the walls with crayon, pulling hair, and lighting matches than any previous year.

Fact: The North American bullfrog is expected to be extinct by 2007 because of the skyrocketing number of deaths by way of ass inserted firecracker.

Fact: This year more foreign kids are expected to be made fun of and have their underwear torn than any previous year.

The reason: Reality TV, Satan, and candy bars.

Stick an IV into my vein and pump me full of Alex P. Keaton and Mr. Belvidere.

Siblings need the brotherly banter of Arnold and Willis, just as roommates need the perpetual misunderstandings of the Three’s Company gang. How can anyone possibly know what is cool without the Fonze?

People need unrealistic model families to detach themselves from the harsh-sickass realities of society. What can possibly be the outcome of reality shows besides making other people feel inadequate?

We need you now more than ever Balki and Cousin Larry.

By the way, I watched the finale of UPN’s ‘The Player’ and let me just say, it was FANTASTIC!

-Rick

Guest thought from Thomas

How come the kid in ET never made it big? Is it because he did not go the route of Barrymore by getting wasted in an 80's club at age 13? Think of other young, pop-culture personas that never did anything truly substantial other than the one (or two in Ralph Machio's case) landmark feature film. Not to relegate this to the 80's either. Paging Eddie Furlong.......

-T